she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
