We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
