Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I want is dick and wine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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