you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
