Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
