so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Holy shit dude........stairs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
