We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
