hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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