Don't make out with my wife yet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
