I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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