they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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