I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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