I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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