He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
