Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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