I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
