coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
