you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
