Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
