Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
