i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
