Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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