Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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