i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
