She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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