Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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