i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
