so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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