Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
