two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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