You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
