You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
