And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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