You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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