i permit you to call me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
