I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
