The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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