I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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