I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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