She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
