marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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