just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
