We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
