I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bring me that man meat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
