I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
