So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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