i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
