Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my vagina is haunted
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize