I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
