I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
