if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
