Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
