I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
