and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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