We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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