What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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