When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
