i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
