What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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