Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
