It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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