do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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