Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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