the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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