explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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