i need an iv and a liver transplant
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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