What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
