I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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