someone get that fucking seahorse.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
