I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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