I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
