Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
