she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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