2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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