Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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