we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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