So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
